Don't Slow Down to Speed Up

Please, don't - even if it sounds sexy

Even if the high-performance coaches use it to lure you in.

(This is a generalisation, I know. Of course, there are fantastic ones out there. I don’t talk about them.)

But I really mean it. Don’t slow down to speed up.

Unless you are 100% certain where to speed up, when to speed up and how speeding up actually looks like.

Do you really need to be faster? Isn’t the pace with which you are experiencing life already fast enough? Or even too fast sometimes?

Be honest here. Is it more speed that you need? Really?
If yes, fantastic. Own it. If not, fantastic. Own it too.

I feel we live in a world where we, for very profound reasons, play “Need For Speed” on Autopilot. I thought this was just a computer game time in my teenage years, but it seems more relevant than ever.

Sure, speed is exciting.
The adrenaline rush.
An intense sensation.

Maybe it’s because of that. Speed forces you to feel. Speed doesn’t allow mind-wandering and repetitive thoughts. Speed hooks us so much…that we don’t feel what’s underneath. And I know from experience: there is a lot.

So much unchanneled anger. So much sadness. So much confusion. So much weight on our shoulders. Weight, that is very often not even ours. Most of us weren’t taught how to process difficult emotions. But we’re humans. And as humans, we always find a way to create equilibrium. It is just that the effect of that specific equilibrium is very unpleasant, painful, and creates a negative ripple. On our health, our relationships, and every aspect of our life.

Speed hooks us, so we literally can’t start to stop the pattern. It is like watching a shitty movie, being tied to the chair whilst the movie plays on repeat. Needless to say that the addiction to speed itself is part of it.

The movie will keep on playing. Until we slow down. When we do, we become aware of the movie. We become aware of all the actions that contributed that we ended up watching and playing that character in that movie in the first place. We start to see clearly. And from that clarity, the glue dissolves and the shitty movie ends.

But it is not enough. Here comes the one thing no one talks about:

Just stepping off the gas doesn’t change the game.

The missing link? Radical clarity of intention. And for most, including myself for many years, the various practices of slowing down become a means to an end. We slow down, only to hope to be faster afterwards. And boom, welcome to the old movie.

I would love it if all of us, but especially we men, would stop slowing down to achieve the opposite. It makes it so empty - meaningless almost. It completely strips away and diminishes its life-changing power.

What we crave so desperately is to be found beyond the opposites. Maybe a lot of the confusion comes from the nonexistent consensus on what slowing down and speeding up actually mean.

For me, it is this: Being mindful of what I’m doing as I do it. Making time to be with myself and the world around me. I acknowledge my experience without the immediate rush to solve, fix or improve. Getting into the body. Slowing down also means a reduction of input and external stimuli for me.

In one sentence: A radically honest becoming aware of what’s there.

Ironically, I notice that every time I choose to do that, a sense of presence returns. The fog up there lifts. Sometimes I need to sigh. Just like right now.

It feels like standing in front of a mirror that slowly becomes free from dust.

I can finally see what was always there. And weirdly enough, that acknowledgement changes everything.

It changes how I walk.
It changes how I talk.

As I write these words, I feel more confident. I feel more clear. I feel that I am fully here.

That’s why I slow down.
Not to enter a peak performing state.

I do it, because I want to experience more of life. I’m done with playing the old game. I’m excited to play a new one.

Over the last years, it has helped me connect with my emotional thunderstorm, manage my anger, stand up for myself, and lead much more from the heart. It sounds cliche, but it’s real.

The truth is: I want to be a more present man. I want to be and feel useful. I want to be a better brother, son, and soon-to-be husband. I struggle to accept the world as it is at the moment. I practice acceptance daily, through formal and informal practice, to work on making the world a more beautiful, loving place.

If you’re a man reading this right now, you probably feel a resonance deep within. I know that many of us are facing challenges because of the above.

Chances are, you don’t need more speed. Check for yourself.

Close your eyes. Take one full breath.
Ask yourself: “Am I running right now?”

Acknowledge the answer, no matter how you judge it.
And see what action it invites. Just notice what happens. Nothing else to do.

If you feel like it, share your thoughts with me.
I’d love to hear your reflection.

Love. Christian

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P.S. If you're an ambitious man craving real brotherhood, clarity for your next step, and a life beyond toxic productivity: I'm offering a few 1:1 discovery sessions ahead of our first Slow Down Club cohort in July. → [Book your free 30 minute session here]

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Me Slowing Down in Walking Meditation @ my Partner Dessie’s Moon Magic Retreat in Greece last year. Photocredit: Caterina Hoffmann